It’s so hard to find and meet people on this island, so I talk to strangers. I never really have intent on meeting anyone off the internet, but last year I got a bit adventurous.. I met a few people and it was fun. You know? You talk to someone for a long long time and when you finally meet it’s like oh wow, this is greater than texting.
My thing is… I hate dating. I hate the concept of it. It’s like how do I date ONE person and see if it’s going to lead to a relationship. I speed up the process by talking to a few different guys. I have a hold on people because some of them I talk to for months and months or years and never having met.
Sometimes, I fixate on feelings for ONE guy and I feel it’s serious. So we exchange the whole pet name, “Babe. Baby.” But I have to keep reminding myself that doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship!! Right now? I think I caught feelings and I’m jealous that he’s dating other people, at least he’s not IN a relationship with other people?
I guess you can say I’m a very… difficult personality to deal with. I’m glad that the people in my life, remain in my life. I’m just very very hard to please.
I recently got a package from Richard in the mail. Last year, I told him I thought baby hippos are cute. What does he do? He orders a hippo stuffed animal for me… Umm? I didn’t ask for a hippo toy, nor am I like “other girls” that collect stuffed animals. It seems my words or actions seem to make people want to buy me something. This year. What does Richard send me? A towel (with the design of a $100) and a cup that is like a long-extendable camera lens. I think Tiffany likes the gifts more than I do. lol. I don’t know why he sent me this or what his intentions are. I told him thanks. He asks me if I like the gifts. I can’t lie, I don’t! I have no use for it.
I was shopping with my mom and I saw something and said “Aww, it’s cute.” When I say it’s cute, it doesn’t necessarily mean I want it. Does it? What does she do? She goes out and buys it for me when I’m not with her. She also did this with a Versace perfume set thing she bought for me, for my birthday. Which is collecting dust, but apparently she uses it.
It’s the thought that counts.
I seriously have no idea what his thoughts were behind these gifts. I need to write a gifting guide for me. I hate getting gifts that I will not use or I don’t need. And my thoughts? It’sclutter.
I guess I just need to work on being more appreciative. But seriously when I say I don’t want anything, don’t get me anything. I can’t even make a decision on what I want. When I want something I’ll usually buy it myself. But it comes and goes often.
Anyways, my birthday is in 2 days. My flight is tomorrow!
My 23rd birthday is coming up. I booked a 4-day (3 nights) over to Oahu just to spend some time there. I’m re-thinking about my life at the moment and I’m feeling quite depressed. I guess that’s just my #scorpio nature? I should be happy, I’m close to graduating, I have a great job… but I just feel empty. I’ve always felt that I should be living on Oahu, on my own, now. But I can’t have everything I have now, if I move. I’ve been looking at jobs on craigslist, looking at other things. I just feel like if I move to Oahu I want to work in the Honolulu, in the city. I don’t really want to be in a rural area, although it looks really nice. :\
I also feel that work isn’t challenging. I used to think it was fun to manage people. But I feel at the moment, it’s really stagnant. I’m focusing a lot on school at the moment, but hopefully everything goes well. I’d really like to finish up. any day now! I really like to enjoy fun before I die of depression! Lol. Kidding. But really.
I hate that feeling when I’m “talking” to someone and it hits a brick-wall. I get bored easily, I think. I’m tired of just talking, but I feel like I’m not even interested anymore. I’m a conversation type, and I feel if someone can’t carry a conversation with me I’m not even sure. He’s told me that he really doesn’t want to lost me to a wandering soul, but I’m definitely a wandering person. I feel like I can’t be contained. Which leads me to my next depressing thought: Will I ever find someone for me? Maybe this year isn’t my year, although 2012’s prediction for scorpio was spot on financially. We’ll see how 2014 does for me. Perhaps something real.