Dating: My Problem

My problem with dating….

  • I start off with “talking” to too many guys.
  • One date doesn’t equal a relationship
  • I catch feelings
  • I’m somewhat possessive
  • I’m jealous
  • I don’t speak my mind.

It’s so hard to find and meet people on this island, so I talk to strangers. I never really have intent on meeting anyone off the internet, but last year I got a bit adventurous.. I met a few people and it was fun. You know? You talk to someone for a long long time and when you finally meet it’s like oh wow, this is greater than texting.

My thing is… I hate dating. I hate the concept of it. It’s like how do I date ONE person and see if it’s going to lead to a relationship. I speed up the process by talking to a few different guys. I have a hold on people because some of them I talk to for months and months or years and never having met.

Sometimes, I fixate on feelings for ONE guy and I feel it’s serious. So we exchange the whole pet name, “Babe. Baby.” But I have to keep reminding myself that doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship!! Right now? I think I caught feelings and I’m jealous that he’s dating other people, at least he’s not IN a relationship with other people?

Men will never understand…

… neither will anyone else.

I guess you can say I’m a very… difficult personality to deal with. I’m glad that the people in my life, remain in my life. I’m just very very hard to please.

I recently got a package from Richard in the mail. Last year, I told him I thought baby hippos are cute. What does he do? He orders a hippo stuffed animal for me… Umm? I didn’t ask for a hippo toy, nor am I like “other girls” that collect stuffed animals. It seems my words or actions seem to make people want to buy me something. This year. What does Richard send me? A towel (with the design of a $100) and a cup that is like a long-extendable camera lens. I think Tiffany likes the gifts more than I do. lol. I don’t know why he sent me this or what his intentions are. I told him thanks. He asks me if I like the gifts. I can’t lie, I don’t! I have no use for it. 

Another example:

  • I was shopping with my mom and I saw something and said “Aww, it’s cute.” When I say it’s cute, it doesn’t necessarily mean I want it. Does it? What does she do? She goes out and buys it for me when I’m not with her. She also did this with a Versace perfume set thing she bought for me, for my birthday. Which is collecting dust, but apparently she uses it.

It’s the thought that counts.

I seriously have no idea what his thoughts were behind these gifts. I need to write a gifting guide for me. I hate getting gifts that I will not use or I don’t need. And my thoughts? It’s clutter.

I guess I just need to work on being more appreciative. But seriously when I say I don’t want anything, don’t get me anything. I can’t even make a decision on what I want. When I want something I’ll usually buy it myself. But it comes and goes often.

Anyways, my birthday is in 2 days. My flight is tomorrow!

The Big 2-3!

My 23rd birthday is coming up. I booked a 4-day (3 nights) over to Oahu just to spend some time there. I’m re-thinking about my life at the moment and I’m feeling quite depressed. I guess that’s just my #scorpio nature? I should be happy, I’m close to graduating, I have a great job… but I just feel empty. I’ve always felt that I should be living on Oahu, on my own, now. But I can’t have everything I have now, if I move. I’ve been looking at jobs on craigslist, looking at other things. I just feel like if I move to Oahu I want to work in the Honolulu, in the city. I don’t really want to be in a rural area, although it looks really nice. :\

I also feel that work isn’t challenging. I used to think it was fun to manage people. But I feel at the moment, it’s really stagnant. I’m focusing a lot on school at the moment, but hopefully everything goes well. I’d really like to finish up. any day now!  I really like to enjoy fun before I die of depression! Lol. Kidding. But really.

I hate that feeling when I’m “talking” to someone and it hits a brick-wall. I get bored easily, I think. I’m tired of just talking, but I feel like I’m not even interested anymore. I’m a conversation type, and I feel if someone can’t carry a conversation with me I’m not even sure. He’s told me that he really doesn’t want to lost me to a wandering soul, but I’m definitely a wandering person. I feel like I can’t be contained. Which leads me to my next depressing thought: Will I ever find someone for me? Maybe this year isn’t my year, although 2012’s prediction for scorpio was spot on financially. We’ll see how 2014 does for me. Perhaps something real.

Anyways, I hope I’m able to have fun.