Relationships: Scary Thoughts

You know what is a scary thought? Relationships. Being in a relationship.

When I was a teen, all my friends did the date a classmate for a week or two, whatever. I always felt like the black sheep because I never had a boyfriend. Did I want one? Yes, sometimes.

Now that I am in a relationship (new to this whole thing). It scares me. I don’t doubt his love, nor do I doubt my love for him. But it’s scary that we (I) put all our trust into someone, and we only know how WE (or I) feel. We have to go in blind. And at any given moment, this trust can be broken.

But, I’m really happy. I hope this will last and that I luck out (because I waited) and he turns out to be, “the one.”

Dating: To be or not to be?

Current situation: Too many guys

So, in my previous entry I had stated that I start out talking to too many guys. I’m single, is that wrong?

I think I start off talking to so many people because I’m honestly bored with life. My routine is literally the same every day, I wake up, I go to work, I come home, I do homework, shower, eat, sleep. But in my in between time, I get to talk to someone whose witty or interesting it makes time seem to slow down just a bit. Sometimes the attention makes me smile. Is that wrong?

My cousin, K, she’s on-and-off with her boyfriend K.Lana. I think she started talking to him in the same context, how I talk to my guy friends. It just starts off as friends. However, the difference between K and I is that, she is always in a relationship.

I don’t feel like that is for me. I will not assume that I’m dating someone because we’ve talked for 3 months, you know? It’s really weird to me. Let alone, a guy I’ve never met before. That’s extremely weird. But for me I’d like to gradually build a friendship and take it from there, I don’t feel I should exclusively hop into a relationship with someone while we’re “talking” or getting to know each other. But that’s me!

So for people who are in happy relationships, what works? Did you hop into an exclusive relationship right away? Or did you get to know each other as friends first?


Dating: My Problem

My problem with dating….

  • I start off with “talking” to too many guys.
  • One date doesn’t equal a relationship
  • I catch feelings
  • I’m somewhat possessive
  • I’m jealous
  • I don’t speak my mind.

It’s so hard to find and meet people on this island, so I talk to strangers. I never really have intent on meeting anyone off the internet, but last year I got a bit adventurous.. I met a few people and it was fun. You know? You talk to someone for a long long time and when you finally meet it’s like oh wow, this is greater than texting.

My thing is… I hate dating. I hate the concept of it. It’s like how do I date ONE person and see if it’s going to lead to a relationship. I speed up the process by talking to a few different guys. I have a hold on people because some of them I talk to for months and months or years and never having met.

Sometimes, I fixate on feelings for ONE guy and I feel it’s serious. So we exchange the whole pet name, “Babe. Baby.” But I have to keep reminding myself that doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship!! Right now? I think I caught feelings and I’m jealous that he’s dating other people, at least he’s not IN a relationship with other people?